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The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships, by Patrick, Ph.d. Carnes
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Some really great books just keep getting better!
For seventeen years The Betrayal Bond has been the primary source for therapists and patients wrestling the effects of emotional pain and harm caused by exploitation from someone they trusted.
Divorce, litigation, incest and child abuse, domestic violence, kidnapping, professional exploitation and religious abuse are all areas of trauma bonding. These are situations and relationships of incredible intensity or importance lend themselves more easily to an exploitation of trust or power.
In The Betrayal Bond, Dr. Carnes presents an in-depth study of these relationships; why they form, who is most susceptible, and how they become so powerful. Dr. Carnes also gives a clear explanation of the bond that compels people to tolerate the intolerable, and for the first time, maps out the brain connection that makes being with hurtful people comparable to 'a drug of choice.' Most importantly, Carnes provides practical steps to identify compulsive attachment patterns and ultimately to change or end them for good.
This new edition includes:
- New science for understanding how our brains can make a prison of bad relationships
- New assessments and insights based on 50,000 research participants
- A new section utilizing the latest findings in attachment research and narrative therapy to concretely rewrite and rescript bad experiences
- A redefinition of the factors contributing to addictive relationships
- Sales Rank: #1014177 in Books
- Published on: 2017-05-27
- Formats: Audiobook, MP3 Audio, Unabridged
- Original language: English
- Dimensions: 7.48" h x 5.31" w x .59" l,
- Binding: MP3 CD
About the Author
Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D., is an internationally known authority on addiction and recovery issues. He has authored more than twenty books including the bestselling titles Out of the Shadows: Understanding Addiction Recovery, Don't Call It Love, and A Gentle Path Through the Twelve Steps. Dr. Carnes' research provides the architecture for the 'task model' of treating addictions that is used by thousands of therapists worldwide and many well-known treatment centers, residential facilities, and hospitals. He is the executive director of the Gentle Path Program, which specializes in dedicated treatment for sexual addiction. Visit Dr. Carnes at www.patrickcarnes.com.
Most helpful customer reviews
35 of 37 people found the following review helpful.
Very insightful...changed my wife's life
By Largid
My wife's ex husband was extraordinarily abusive, verbally, sexually, and at times, physically. He betrayed her with other women for the entire 30 years of their marriage, lying and manipulating her, and hurting their kids. Yet, after he divorced her, she clung to the hope that he would wake up and finally become the man he never was and come back to her. We met, fell in love, and married, yet the pain of that betrayal stayed with her even after our 10 years together, and when she was around him at family events, she was fearful, nervous, and felt as though she had no control. Worse, he would try to get her to reconnect with her to try to get her to cheat with hem, but unsuccessfully. But it was unnerving, and she was afraid to force him to stop. Finally, she went to a trauma therapist, who had her read this book, and this book, along with the therapy changed her life. Trauma forms a strong bond, even though it's a negative bond, and you can break that bond....and she has. She now has good boundaries with him, keeps him away from her, and when at family events where he is, she is relaxed and fearless, and she won't allow him to come around her or even talk to her. It is a huge change inside her...that trauma bond is broken. It has changed her life...she is now opening up like a flower. It's wonderful to see us now enjoying life so much more and her wanting to do things she would not have...to be a bit adventuresome, and I smile since she is over 60, and yet, it's as if the happy, carefree person she was once, before she married her ex, is coming back. Yes, you can leave that abusive person behind.....read the book and find a therapist familiar with the book who has specialized training in betrayal bonding....you won't regret it.
8 of 8 people found the following review helpful.
Completely changed my outlook
By Courtney
I have been in a betrayal bond for nearly 6 years and it was about to end my marriage. I took a chance on this book hoping it might help me and it was the best thing I could have done. I got so many answers I needed and felt a much greater understanding about how I could have gotten so wrapped up in a toxic relationship. It was worth the risk of purchasing and reading this book. It has helped me to accept that relationship for what it was and feel capable of moving on from it. I am very grateful I stumbled across this book.
19 of 20 people found the following review helpful.
The Obsessive Bond is more important to eliminate than knowing every betrayal
By RndAbtNow
This book is a life changing book. I have learned so much about betrayal bond relationships.
The Author accurately describes the nature of these confusing relationships and fully describes the steps, to recovery.
Focus on the word BOND or relationship, not the betrayals.
The 1st time I read the book I focused on the word betrayal. This is my second time reading the book and I now understand the nature of the unhealthy bond created by acts of betrayal and especially if the person doing the betraying, plays a trusted role in your life.
The author says there is always a story or shared logic that is the backbone of the betrayal. The logic or shared stories keeps the betrayals acceptable, to both parties. This means WE participated in the betrayal. This is very hard and painful to accept.
There are also losses to accept, such as time lost obsessing along with the personal dreams lost by trying to undo all the confusion caused by the betrayal relationship. Confused is painful, too.
I believe the author is suggesting that theism goal is to stop obsessing about the BOND, so we can see all the choices we have. We can see our rights not to be in an Betrayal Bond relationship, and to protect ourselves from these people, whether we stay or leave.
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